So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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