Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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