dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
