dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
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