your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
