VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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