Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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