she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
