Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
