i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
