One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
