just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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