My brain says no but my pants say off.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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