I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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