I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
