You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
