would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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