but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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