what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
