We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
