haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
