he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
