i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
