watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
nutella sex= disaster
So gin and wine won't be happening again
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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