I feel great
I just peed on a car
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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