Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
