don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
