I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
