The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
