Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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