Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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