shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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