I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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