Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
