i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I want a musical about memes.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
