He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
