Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
