Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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