I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
