wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
