...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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