remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
