My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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