if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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