Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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