That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize