you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
