im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
