he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
