We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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