I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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