just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Idk if I want to put a bra on
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
