I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
