just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
