i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
