Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
