my mouth tastes like poor choices
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
