we have officially lost it.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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