the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
