I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
