I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
