i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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