I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
