ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize