You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
