just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Barsexuality is the new black.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
