My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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