Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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