I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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