she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
