He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
