My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
