I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
